FAMOUS QUOTES

• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin
  
• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply
  
• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra
  
• The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats
  
• An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest Hemingway
  
• Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway
  
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin
  
• Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. --Anonymous
  
• No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. --G.K. Chesterton
  
• Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
  
• Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
  
• Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Anonymous
  
• I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. --Anonymous
  
• What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields
  
• Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. -- Anonymous
  
• If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye
  
• Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -- Oscar Wilde
  
• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
  
• Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Anonymous
  
• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits
  
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright
  
• When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... -- Brian O'Rourke
  
• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa
  
• Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
  
• He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato
  
• Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin
  
• If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
  
• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry
  
• The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
  
• Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton
  
• Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Wilhelm
  
• I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer Simpson
  
• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
  
• I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan
  
• All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson